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| So I figure I should have me another crack at xanga. First I feel like hollering at the top of my xanga lungs, "WHATS UP XANGAAA WOORRRLD!!!!" (echo echo echo) Is this mic still working. Can u hear me out there? Is this thang on and poppin still? Apparently so. Interesting.
Anyways. Allow me to re-introduce myself. My name is Justin Standard (yes yes and yes...the brother of Jeanine and Gina Standard). Jeanine's like my twin....the female version of me....sort of. Gina's just a rat.......but I still luv her.
Now as for me, I go to this lil teeny tiny tony school called UCLA.....yea, good school, so what. I finally got my crib upgraded.......yea...ur boi J, hes livin in a studio now.... I still ride the bus but one day ladies......the Escalade shall arrive.....dont yall fret......its on my radar. I love hip hop, R&B (Beyonce, holla atme), and rock. Speaking of Rock, its all about Jay Z and rocafella records. I have an accent. I dont want to get into how I got it. Its just there. Hopefully you like it. If not...thats not my problem. I got love for you. Every one of you. Thats how God made me. If you show me love...my heart is inclined to show love back. In the end, its all love baby. But sometimes. My heart is closed. I dont know why. I have my speculations. But in those times, reach out to me and I promise, my heart will open. And to close it all off with a cherry on top, I want to give a shout out to somebody named Xanga. And that means all of you. I miss you like a fat little boy misses his chocalate brownie. Yea. Brownies. Peace. Love. and Soul. | | |
| I know I havnt writtin in this thang for a minute.... but does anyone still got that xanga love for me? | | |
| los angeles, my home. now. forever. forever ever eva eva
ucla's hot. my floor peoples is hot. my new friends is hot. my old friends is hot. the palm trees is hot. mixed nationalities is hot. the sunglasses is hot. the hot girls rockin the hot sunglasses is hot. the dining facility ranked #2 in america is hot. the weight room with the hot girls rockin the hot sunglasses is hot. diversity is hot. genuine kindness is hot. genuine real people is hot. confidence is hot. driven, ambitious, focused peoples is hot. externally and internally balanced peoples is real hot. depth and spirituality is real hot. bcs is real hot. LA bc's is real real hot.
i love my life. i love LA. i love hot people. if your any of the above, hot dam yur hot
~one~ | | |
| I was held captive in the garage last night, and rummaging through some old boxes, I found a real "treasure." What was this "treasure?"
A poem...from an old friend
Untitled
In the eyes of judgement
When you look at my eyes--
You don't see the pain and suffering I've seen
cries and screams
visible to me b4 they're even carried out by sound waves
You just see my almond eyes and the shadow that makes them shimmer...
When you look at my lips--
you don't see my cries for love from my first love
how I tasted tears
depressed and spiraling for 2 years
on the edge, recovery suicidal,...I scare myself
You just see my outlined lips, gloss illuminating how they almost search for that
DESPERATE KISS...
When you look at my body--
you don't see my abusive childhood
painful memories I try to soothe
my never stable mood
due to my questions of "why me?"
YOU JUST SEE MY SILHOUETTE. THE CLOTHES AND SHOES THAT EMBELLISH MY PHYSICAL STATE
TAKING FOCUS OFF MY MENTAL, SPIRITUAL, AND EMOTIONAL BEING...
When you look at my hands--
you don't see the ring I dont wear
torture impossible to bear
realizing it's suppressed 6 feet under
Tears hit me like thunder
Knowing no matter what, I can never be...
You just see pollished nails that make my hands appear picture perfect...Almost unhuman...
Making you disregard what they've been through...
When you look at me--
you don't see the events that mold me
into who I am and who I'll be
You don't see my struggle between reality and what it should be
U just see my physical
image is critical
not realizing there's more to me than what is seen
that is why I say DO NOT JUDGE ME WITH YOUR EYES...eyes can easily deceive
and make it impossible to see the unseen
--Paula
This poem, which I now love, was given to me my Senior year of High School. Paula upheld a lofty social class. Reminiscing upon her attractive appearance, you could never guess the thoughts, images, and emotions trapped inside that frame of hers. That was what confused me at the immature age of 17. Now that my eyes are older and my ears are wiser, my appreciation for this poetry is more, mature
poem is soooooooooo good :: sigh ::
~one~
Edit:
I wrote a reply poem to the one above:
Untitled
If you search to avoid discomfort you will never find it
If you search to avoid suffering you will never find it
If you search to avoid pain you will never find it
If you search to avoid sadness you will never find it
Come to realize these elements are inevitable
That,
It is not "a" way of life
but "the" way of life
That each soul we touch have walked this path
and will walk this lonely path frequently, to infrequently, to inevitably
This circle of life orbits other circles of life that circles other circles
creating an ecosystem of grieving circles
Grieving circles that relate, that circulate, the never ending cycle of joy and pain
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| From the fatherland to the brotherland I just want to extend my greetings and say "Ahn nyeung ha sey yo cheengoo" which means "hello friends." Dang I missed you guys, its so good to be back yet so bad to be back. I feel so complete yet so incomplete, so bitter sweet. I dont mean to be so contradictory but on the real, life is contradictory. Its paradoxical and complicated. But isn't that why its interesting?
the 40 days cant be explained in a single entry but I'll say that it was, precious, like a golden nugget. I feel clean and fresh and clear like, a glacier. Lots of smoke and haze has dissipated and now I see things clearer like, a new pair of contact lenses. Shoutout to alla yall who were there too. So much love. Its too much to explain in text alone but let me know if you want to talk it over some starbucks and red velvet couches : ) Hey, shoutout to everyone. Everybody.
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